Back to the Beginning
by Ezrian-Forever
Summary: "You didn't have to do this. You didn't have to do this for me." I was so frustrated with him. I wanted to scream at him, scold him for being so stupid. I was shouting at him in my head. "Why? Why did you do it!" An Ezria one-shot.


**Aria's POV**

* * *

It was all a blur. The rooftop. The ambulance. The car ride. It all flashed through my mind so quickly; I couldn't pinpoint specific details of anything that had happened. I couldn't tell you how long the car ride was. I couldn't tell you any of the questions that the EMT's asked me. I couldn't tell you the time. All I knew was that I was sitting in a very uncomfortable chair in a cold hospital room, leaning over the man who had taken a bullet trying to stop my anonymous attacker.

He looked content, as if he were just sleeping or taking a nap in his apartment. He didn't look like a man who had been shot a few days earlier. I hated the few times I had looked up and saw him hooked up to all of the machines in the room. It ruined the illusion.

I watched the heart monitor as if I was fixed in a trance. I followed the green line that moved up and down in a steady, consistent movement. When we first arrived at the hospital, the doctors had taken Ezra away immediately, having an open Operation Room, and announced that he was in critical condition. He wasn't allowed visitors until the next morning when his heart started to calm down and his breathing improved, but he was still unconscious and there was no prediction as to when he could wake up. The doctors had also told me after that he was in a fair condition, but his vital signs were still a little unstable and there's always a risk of a post-operation infection, so nothing was certain yet.

The girls had been here earlier, but they all had something they needed to do. While most of the girls had at least come into the room for a few minutes, Alison had stayed in the waiting room. She was too in shock of anything that happened on the rooftop. I didn't blame her; I also didn't expect her to come back anytime soon. First, she had to come out of hiding and reveal to everyone that she in fact was alive. After that, there was a whole press meeting and a big interview she had as to what she was doing for the past year. Then, after finding out about her mother, Ali had to move in with her dad and was to finish the school year at some private school. All of these events had happened in just a few days, and I knew Ali must have been overwhelmed. As for me, I never once left the hospital – and I didn't plan on it until I knew that Ezra was going to be okay.

"_You know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, right?"_

The image of us standing together in front of his apartment door flashed through my mind. I almost laughed to myself, but more out of sadness than humor.

_You didn't have to do this. You didn't have to do this for me. _I was so frustrated with him. I wanted to scream at him, scold him for being so stupid. I was shouting at him in my head. _Why? Why did you do it?! _I knew it wasn't his fault, but he should have known to be careful. A had a gun and probably didn't care who he or she shot.

I sighed loudly, just as a doctor came in to check up on Ezra; making sure that everything looked okay and there were no signs of a negative change in his condition.

"You hanging in there?" She asked with a concerned tone.

It took me a second to realize that she had been talking. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine thanks, Doctor . . ." I waited for a name.

"Avery." She smiled. "He's looking good for now." She shifted her eyes towards Ezra, then back at me.

I raised my eyebrows. "For now?"

"You never know what may happen after surgeries like his. I know that you were already told this, maybe multiple times, but it's required just so you're prepared for . . . you know."

"Yeah, sure." Dr. Avery was beginning to annoy me. She still stood in Ezra's room staring at me like Ezra was already dead and I was a lost puppy.

"Would you like me to get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Are you sure? You look a little worn out."

"Really, I'm fine. I'm just tired." With that, Dr. Avery nodded and she left. After a few minutes though, she returned and stood in the doorway.

"You know, you could try talking to him. Sometimes it makes people feel better, and you never know if he can hear you or not. I'd just give it a try. It's just a suggestion; I can't imagine what you're going through." She smiled again and left to continue on her rounds.

I peeled my eyes away from the heart monitor for a few moments and focused on Ezra. I grabbed his hands in mine and squeezed, though I knew he couldn't feel it. Or could he? Maybe he could hear me speak and feel my hands in his. I wouldn't have known, so I tried talking to him like Dr. Avery said.

"Ezra." I had said one word and I almost broke down. "Ezra. I know we had our rough patches, I know that our relationship wasn't easy. It may not have seemed like it, but I loved you. I still love you. There's no question about it. I wanted to tell you, but you had lied to me. You lied to me about so much Ezra." I had to pause to take some deep, shaky breaths as I had started crying at his side. "You said that our love was real, but how was I supposed to know that?! I didn't know if I could forgive you! You hurt me so much, Ezra." I stopped myself from continuing, knowing that if he could hear me, I was probably torturing him rather than consoling him.

The longer I sat there, the more I could feel myself drifting away from fatigue. I wanted to stay awake in case anything happened, but I couldn't will myself to keep my eyes open. I rested my head on Ezra's chest and my head moved up and down slightly from his breathing. It was comforting, knowing he was breathing. When he was shot, I hadn't known if he was dead or alive. I was too in shock to check. I remember him apologizing to me as he closed his eyes.

_Why were you apologizing? You had nothing to be sorry about. _I repeated those sentences in my head over and over again.

* * *

I woke to someone lightly shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes and noticed that my head still lay rested on Ezra's chest though my neck hurt from my head being at a strange angle. When I turned around, I noticed that Hanna was standing next to my chair, a small smile upon her face.

"Hey." I said through a yawn.

"Sorry for waking you up, but I wanted to see how you were doing." She smiled again. I noticed that she was carrying a small bag in her hand and I think she noticed me looking at it because she held it up, handing it to me.

"I brought croissants. They're just from the coffee shop downstairs, but they're pretty good." Hanna laughed to herself as I grabbed the bag from her hand and pulled out a croissant.

"Where are the others?" I said, taking a bite of my pastry.

"Spencer is with Toby and I don't know what Em is doing." Hanna paused, wrinkling her forehead. "Do you think you could take a break from sitting in this hospital all day? I could really use a girl's day with someone and I think you need one too. Not to sound selfish or anything."

"I really would like that, but I need to make sure that Ezra is going to be okay."

"Oh, come on. It can't be fun sitting here by his bed all day." She pleaded. Hanna must have seen the annoyed look I gave her because she quickly sighed and apologized. "I'm sorry, I get it. I don't know why I asked, it was stupid. When Caleb got shot, I stayed by his side every day. I totally understand. I can find out what Emily is up to."

Hanna started to walk out the door, but she turned around and looked me in the eyes. "He's going to be okay, Aria." I watched Hanna as she walked away; I could faintly hear the clicking of her four-inch heels as she walked down the hall.

I wanted to believe Hanna, but I wasn't sure. He seemed to be fine now, but who knew what could happen in five minutes or tomorrow or maybe in a week. The doctors did say that there was no telling if he was going to be okay. They told me that patients like him might not wake up, even if he seems to be fine. That's why I stayed at the hospital; so I could be there if anything happened.

I turned my attention back to Ezra. Everything still remained unchanged. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered how much longer I could sit in that chair and stay in that room. I _did_ need to eat and I _did _need to eventually shower. I needed to sleep in a bed so that my back and neck weren't cramped up to the point where I could barely move. As I thought of all these things, one thought was always pushed to the top of my mind. What I _couldn't _do was leave Ezra.

I thought that I would try to talk to him again, more to comfort myself than anything else. Again, I grabbed his hand again and gave it a light squeeze.

"Ezra, I'm sorry for what I said earlier, if you could hear me. I'm just in a tough place and I need you." I sighed. "I need you." I repeated.

I began rubbing my thumb against the back of his hand and closed my eyes. I pictured Ezra laying there, his eyes suddenly opening. _"Hey Pookie Bear," _He might say. I'd just laugh and he would laugh and we would stay like that for hours, but when I opened my eyes, he was still unconscious in his bed and his eyes were still closed.

I needed to close my eyes once again to keep myself from bursting into tears. I was still rubbing my thumb against Ezra's hand and I took deep breaths to calm myself down though, my deep breaths were actually short and shallow and I _did_ end up bursting into tears.

"Ezra. Please, pl – please." I stopped running my fingers against his hand and stood up. I paced around the room, wiping my face just as more tears came streaming down it. "I just can't do it anymore. I can't do this."

A nurse walked in the room and she noticed me floating around the back of the room. "I'm sorry. Visiting hours are over. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"I'm not leaving." I snapped.

"Visiting hours are over." The nurse repeated. "You can come back in the morning, but you need to leave."

"I am not leaving him." I said, my voice breaking.

"Miss – "

"No!" I screamed.

The nurse was opening her mouth to say something else, but her focus turned toward Ezra's bed as his heart monitor started making very rapid beeping noises. I never knew much about any kind of medical stuff, but I knew that this wasn't a good thing. His heart was working too hard and it could stop at any moment. The nurse started yelling as other doctors rushed into the room. I saw everyone's lips moving, but I didn't hear a single word anyone was saying.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked over everyone's yells. I waited, but I didn't receive an answer. "Is Ezra going to be okay?" I asked again. I still didn't get a response, so I moved closer to the doctors, hoping to get noticed.

"Will someone please tell me if Ezra will be okay?!" I screamed. A doctor looked over at me and shook his head in annoyance.

"Someone get her out of here!" The same doctor yelled. I stood still in shock as a female doctor with brown hair was pushing me out of the room. As the door was closing, I could see one the doctors bringing out shock paddles and someone else had removed Ezra's shirt. I watched through the window as the doctors shocked Ezra's chest and his body jerked upward.

I saw the same action performed a few more times before everyone stopped. The doctor who had been handling the shock paddles turned away and was running his hands through his short hair.

They all exited the room slowly and one of them approached me; he had this look on his face, and I just knew. I knew and I wouldn't let him say it. I started to walk away because I couldn't bear to hear what I already knew was going to come out of his mouth.

"Miss," The doctor had tapped my shoulder and I turned around my face already hot and wet with tears. "Miss, wouldn't you like to see him?"

I ran my hand across my face, but that didn't stop more tears from coming. Did I want to see him? I was the only one he had here with him. His mother didn't even know he was here, and all of the girls were out doing who knows what.

I slowly nodded my head, as the doctor lead me back into Ezra's room, where he looked as if he were still just sleeping.

"Do you know what caused it?" I asked quietly.

"A number of things could've done it, but a post operation infection is of the most common reasons, it happens quite often. You can't do anything about it." The doctor said softly.

_Yeah, except be a better doctor. _I thought to myself.

"Um, okay. I uh, can I be alone . . . with him?"

"Of course."

The doctor, Dr. Cole, left the room as I walked toward Ezra's bed. I sat down in the same chair I'd been sitting in all day, and I buried my face into my palm.

"I've been trying to tell you all day that I needed you." I said as I looked up. "Was I not clear enough? Did you not understand? I need you here with me!" I sat back in my chair as I called the girls and told them what happened; barely getting the words out.

* * *

When the girls arrived they had convinced me to leave the hospital, so I wouldn't torture myself by staying and crying over his body all day.

The drive home was completely silent. The girls had tried to console me, but nothing worked. Nothing they said could bring Ezra back. No one knew what I was going through. Spencer had a little touch of the same experience, but Toby wasn't really dead. He was alive and Ezra wasn't.

When I was brought home, the girls tried to stay with me, but I wanted to be alone. The girls were hesitant, but I finally convinced them to leave.

When I knew that they were all gone, I went to Ezra's apartment. I could tell it was going to be a bad idea, but I had to go.

I arrived at his apartment building and stood outside for what seemed like hours before I willed myself to go inside. I walked up the steps and wandered the hall aimlessly until somehow, I ended up in front of apartment 3B. I pulled out my key and turned the lock slowly and heard a faint click.

I thought about the fact that Ezra was never going to set foot in his home ever again. It pained me to think that he was never going to get married or have kids or become a famous writer. All these things he wanted to do, and he was never going to be able to do them.

I went through a few of his things and came across a second copy of his rough draft for his book about Alison. I flipped through it and noticed that every single page had red marker scrawled across the pages, covering up his writing On the very last page only about one fourth of the page had typed writing on it, which was too, covered in red marker. On the bottom of the page, there was a written note. It seemed that there were many drafts of the note, because there were a lot of pencil marks covering up this page as well as the red marker.

From what I could see, the words that were scribbled out were apart of long paragraphs, but the note that remained only contained three words.

_I'm sorry Aria. _

I didn't know whether Ezra had planned to give this to me or not, but I stared at the little message, more tears filling up the brims of my eyes. One tear slid down my cheek and hit the paper, making some of the red marker bleed.

I tore out the page from his book and kept it close to my chest as I left Ezra's apartment. I couldn't keep myself there any longer. I walked outside and to my car as fast as I could and I started to drive away, not wanting to look back.

The page rested on my lap the entire drive to the bar where I met Ezra. I didn't plan on going there. I wanted to go home, but when I parked my car, I saw that I had driven myself there, so I got out and walked to the door with the paper in my hand.

I put my hand on the door handle and looked up at the clear sky.

"I forgive you." I said as I opened the door. I heard the bell chiming behind me when I walked in and I looked around, not having been in the bar since I met Ezra. Slowly, I walked up to a chair and sat down, smiling sadly at the familiar song playing in the background.

* * *

**NOTE: So, I hoped you enjoyed this... I didn't originally plan to kill Ezra, it just turned out that way. Anyway, like I said, hope you enjoyed reading this!**

**- Jdurst99**


End file.
